One of most stupid, insipid, lame and ineffective phrases you can use in any ad, whether it be Radio, TV or print, is “for all your _______ needs.” Yet, you hear this phrase everyday in a myriad of ads. Why? Because people who write ads are incredibly lazy. Rather than thinking of something compelling to include in the ad, they just throw in “for all your insurance needs”, “for all your hardware needs”, “for all your concrete repair needs”, or something equally banal. If you see or hear this phrase in any ad, be aware that the person who wrote it had no idea how to write a proper ad.
Here are some examples of how not to do it:
“For all your bulk grain, feed & fertilizer transportation needs.”
Geez, what a mouthful. T-Shirt for Flenker Brothers in Princetown, Iowa.
“Backyard Needs” Anyone?
Insurance sign in Mississippi.
Seen on a truck in suburban St. Louis
Sign at the pool shop at Treasure Island Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas
Ad for Weaver Appliance in Ohio. “For all your appliance needs.” Plus, they’re “Family owned & operated since 1989.” I guess that makes them better.
These folks will gladly service ALL your needs. They have no idea what I really need!
Just last week, I was asking my neighbor “who can I call for all my farm needs?” And what the hell is “poroceesing?”
Everyone needs pumpkins and gourds for their fall decorating needs, right?
“For all your advertising needs.”
OK, but what if your “advertising needs” include Radio, TV, or billboards. Can she handle that too?
Have any irrigation needs? Don’t we all? If so, this is the place to call…
The UPS Store managed a double header of useless cliches… “one stop shop” and “for all your shipping, postal and business needs.”
Insurance companies are some of the worst offenders.
Sign at Delta Eye Care – Indianola, MS
This Realtor in Florida can handle “all your real estate needs.” And she offers “Professional service with a personal touch.” Isn’t that what one would expect from a real estate agent?
Hallelujah! My spraying needs have been met.
Ad for Roundup.
“All your digital multimedia needs in one solution.”
A great example of gobbledygook ad writing.
“For all your birth control needs.”
A radio ad for Women’s Health Associates of Southern Nevada, as heard on KSNE-FM in Las Vegas.
“For all your lawn watering needs.”
Radio commercial heard in Oklahoma.
“For all your air conditioning needs.”
An AC contractor in the Midwest. When asked “can you fix the AC on my car?” he said “no, we don’t work on cars.” But you said “all my air conditioning needs.”
“For all your sewer and drain cleaning needs.”
Somewhere in Illinois
“Schedule an appointment with GI Associates for all your gastrointestinal needs.”
Print ad for GI Associates & Endoscopy Center – Jackson, MS
“For all your tobacco needs.”
Sign on tobacco shop at Rio Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas
“For your banking needs.”
Radio ad for Bancorp South in Mississippi
“For all your asphalt needs.”
Sign for M&K Asphalt Sealing in Kentucky
“For all of your commercial kitchen needs.”
Radio ad in Las Vegas. (How many of us have commercial kitchen needs?)
“Your one stop stop for your printing and marketing needs.”
National radio ad for Staples. Obviously written by an ad agency that doesn’t know how to write compelling copy. (“One stop shop” is also meaningless drivel).
“For all your scrap metal recycling needs.”
TV commercial for Longhorn Recycling – San Antonio, TX
“We can handle all your appliance needs.”
Radio ad for appliance store in Greenville, MS
“For all your storage needs.”
Radio ad for a storage facility in Las Vegas
“The UPS store has all your moving needs.”
Radio ad for UPS Store in Las Vegas.
“Visit DukeMedicine.org to learn how Duke Medicine can meet all of your healthcare needs.”
Letter to patient from Duke Medical Center
If you run across any others, feel free to send them to us at firstname.lastname@example.org.