A phrase or opinion that is overused and betrays a lack of original thought.
In the world of bad advertising clichés, none are cliché-ier than “For All Your (blank) Needs.”
By Ryan Patrick, www.timemilesandco.com
Just listen to commercial radio for one hour. Read a newspaper from front to back. Watch local TV commercials during the 6 o’clock news. I can almost guarantee you will hear/read/see the phrase “For All Your (blank) Needs” at least once. Maybe more.
“Wait. If that phrase is so bad, why do so many companies use it?”
a) It’s safe
b) It’s easy to use
c) The ad writer had nothing else to say.
Nothing particularly special about your lumberyard? No problem! Just use, “For all your homebuilding needs!”
Can’t compete with the price or selection of the other pet store? Easy fix: “For all your pet supply needs!”
My favorite was a radio commercial for a diner in Kentucky that advertised “for all your breakfast needs.”
“Yes, I want you to smother my pancakes with beluga caviar and truffles. What do you mean you can’t do it? That’s my breakfast need!”
Each of us has different needs.
Mine are different from yours.
Yours are different from his.
His are different from hers.
There will ALWAYS be needs that you simply cannot meet.
“For All Your (blank) Needs” is an empty promise. It doesn’t convey the unique essence of your business. It won’t convince consumers to buy from you.
Congratulations. You have a marketing slogan that says nothing.
Is that what your business “needs”?
(Used by permission, www.timmilesandco.com)
Here are some examples of how not to do it:
Where do we begin? “For all you pumps, hoses, fittings, vales amd tank trailer needs”, plus “Your source for all your tanker needs.” Additionaly, a good proof-reader could have caught all the typos – “all you” instead of “all your”, “trade in’s” should not be possessive, and “stanless steel” should be “stainless steel.” Sigh!
Does anybody really have any toilet bowl needs?
Can I renew my subscription to Hustler? If not, you can’t handle all my subscription needs.
Don’t we all have RF connector and RF cable assembly needs?
Not just some of your real estate needs… all of them!
In Pollock, LA. Does Walmart know about this?
Whether you are an inpatient or an outpatient, they have all your needs!
Staffing needs anyone?
Trees have needs too!
I need to fly to Kathmandu. “Sorry sir, we don’t fly there.” But you said “all my travel needs.”
They have a tool for that!
How many cliches can we put in one ad?
Me: Can you replace the window in my car?
Them: Sorry sir, we don’t do car windows.
Me: But yoi said “ALL my window needs.”
Me: I need you to fix the AC in my car.
Them: Sorry sir, we don’t work on automobiles.
Me: But you said “ALL my cooling needs.”
I don’t even know what a monetization need is.
If you’re going to spend money on a full color, full page magazine ad, shouldn’t you have a more compelling headline than “For all your motorhome needs?”
You have no idea what my outdoor needs are, but they don’t involve boats.
Drone needs anyone?
OK, I’ll admit it. I don’t even know what a charcuterie is, so how could I possibly need one?
This is a small boutique grocery store. Although they have great stuff, their limited selection certainly won’t satisfy all my grocery needs.
My daily needs of WHAT?
Sign on a bus in Danville, Illinois – “For ALL your banking needs.”
Two clichés in one headline! And bonus clichés in the copy.
Why go anywhere else?
Sign at Walgreens on Las Vegas Blvd.
Facebook ad for Lamp Post Liquor in Ponca City, Oklahoma
Real Estate needs anyone?
I guess it depends on what you are shopping for.
I was just telling my wife, “I wish somebody could help with my trolling motor needs.”
“We’re here for all your mask needs!”
These folks can handle “all your home needs”, and they can repair your pluming.
That’s like plumbing, but without the B.
At least they spelling “Plumbing” correctly.
She can handle all your publicity needs. As long as your publicity needs don’t
involve anything more than overused clichés.
Boning knife? The jokes just write themselves.
These folks have the cure for all your water needs.
Great t-shirt – “For all your home improvement needs.” (Photo credit: Cameron Ford)
Let’s put “for all of your residential painting needs” on the back of our truck.
And use a font that’s difficult to read.
Liquor? I hardly know her.
Got any waveguide needs?
More auto repair needs.
“All your RV needs.”
They left out the word “needs”, but the real cliché is “for all your…”
Billboard in Cleveland, MS.
Heating and Cooling Needs anyone?
I don’t know who these people are, but they have “all your business reopening needs.”
I don’t even know what an arboreal need is!
From Australia. “For all your lolly needs.”
“My dog needs a hernia operation.” “Sorry sir, we don’t do surgery on animals.” “But, you said ALL my surgical needs.”
Stucco needs anyone?
We have 40 years experience, but we don’t how how to write a good ad.
Need a pillow?
Need to make someone sleep with the fishes? This place has all your concrete needs.
All your shipping needs! But what if I needed to ship an elephant to Nebraska?
Do you ever know what a Nautel is?
Boating needs anyone?
“For all your bulk grain, feed & fertilizer transportation needs.”
Geez, what a mouthful. T-Shirt for Flenker Brothers in Princetown, Iowa.
“For all your advertising needs.”
As long as your advertising needs don’t include anything other than a Filipino newspaper.
From the website of a radio group in Oklahoma.
“For all your Radio & TV needs.”
40 years of bad marketing!
“All your restoration needs.”
As long as your needs only include vehicles.
Unless you need creativity. In which case, these folks can’t help you.
Connector needs anyone?
Can I get this notarized?
Do you have any Chevrolet needs? Me neither. This is an ad on a grocery cart in Las Vegas.
Grocery cart ads are a true waste of money.
Really? I mean, really?
Even in Australia…
Seen at the Westgate Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas.
Seen at a trade show in Minnesota.
That’s an awful lot of needs.
Do the gun control people know about this?
King of Variety, a store in New Zealand.
Riveredge Kennel in Owego, New York. “For all your pet grooming and boarding needs.”
Plus, “Family owned and operated for more than 20 years.”
Got any mortgage needs?
Ready to move? These folks can handle all your moving needs.
Sign at a HyVee store in Iowa.
Seen on the highway in Jackson, MS. I never realized I had so many catering needs.
Sign posted at the checkouts at Walmart in Cleveland, MS. Not only did he manage to say “shopping needs” 3 times, he also butchered the English Language (“whenever your shopping needs is not met.”)
“Backyard Needs” Anyone? If you have any, this place is the “one stop shop.”
Ad on Facebook… “for all your shooting sports and concealed carry needs.”
Home Depot Sign – “For all your installation needs.”
Insurance sign in Mississippi.
Seen on a truck in suburban St. Louis
“For all your dirt, gravel, rock, track hoe, dozier and hauling needs.”
And, they have the “same personelle.”
Sign at the pool shop at Treasure Island Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas
Ad for Weaver Appliance in Ohio. “For all your appliance needs.” Plus, they’re “Family owned & operated since 1989.” I guess that makes them better.
And then there’s this… “For all your urgent appliance care needs.”
These folks will gladly service ALL your needs. They have no idea what I really need!
Ad for OptimDental in Springfield, IL. “For all your family’s dental needs.”
Just last week, I was asking my neighbor “who can I call for all my farm needs?” And what the hell is “poroceesing?”
Everyone needs pumpkins and gourds for their fall decorating needs, right?
“For all your advertising needs.”
OK, but what if your “advertising needs” include Radio, TV, or billboards. Can she handle that too?
Finally… an ad agency that can handle “ALL your website, internet, and social media needs.”
Just don’t count on anything original.
Have any irrigation needs? Don’t we all? If so, this is the place to call…
The UPS Store managed a double header of useless cliches… “one stop shop” and “for all your shipping, postal and business needs.”
Insurance companies are some of the worst offenders.
Sign at Delta Eye Care – Indianola, MS
This Realtor in Florida can handle “all your real estate needs.” And she offers “Professional service with a personal touch.” Isn’t that what one would expect from a real estate agent?
If Lois can’t handle all you real estate needs, perhaps these folks can.
Hallelujah! My spraying needs have been met.
Ad for Roundup.
“Save on all your cooling and heating needs.”
Ad for One Hour Air Conditioning & Heating in Las Vegas
“All your digital multimedia needs in one solution.”
A great example of gobbledygook copywriting.
IHOP has all your To-Go needs. It even says so on their receipt.
But what if I need steak & lobster to go?
“Supplying all your entertainment needs.”
And his URL is dead!
Adamson Construction & Remodeling
For all you roofing including metal roofs, remodeling, decks, carports, new construction, windows, doors, and siding needs, give Adamson Construction & Remodeling a call!
From Facebook. Written by somebody who doesn’t understand punctuation, grammar, or good marketing.
“For all your criminal needs.”
Radio commercial for a lawyer in Montgomery, Alabama
“We have the commercial trucks for all your truck needs”
TV Ad for truck dealer in San Antonio, Texas
“For all you car care needs.”
National radio ad for O’Reilly Auto Parts
“For all your screen printing and t-shirt needs.”
Ad on the University of Southern Mississippi Football Network
“For all your practice management needs.”
Radio ad for Lexicon Services
“Walgreens is the place for all your diabetes needs.”
Radio ad on KMXB-FM Las Vegas
“Your one stop shop for the brands that you demand.”
National radio ad for Quick Fix Auto Parts. Wake me when this commercial is over.
“For all your breeding needs.”
Radio ad for a bull sale, as heard in Nebraska. Ummm.. OK.
“For all your payroll processing needs.”
Ad on the Mile Gallagher Radio Show, Salem Radio Network
“For all your Kubota tractor sales and service needs.”
Ad on KHQ-TV in Spokane during the Olympics
“For all your birth control needs.”
A radio ad for Women’s Health Associates of Southern Nevada, as heard on KSNE-FM in Las Vegas.
“For all your tent, tailgating and other rental needs.”
Radio ad for Taylor Rental in Hattiesburg, Mississippi.
“For all your lawn watering needs.”
Radio commercial heard in Oklahoma.
“For all your air conditioning needs.”
An AC contractor in the Midwest. When asked “can you fix the AC on my car?” he said “no, we don’t work on cars.” But you said “all my air conditioning needs.”
“For all your sewer and drain cleaning needs.”
Somewhere in Illinois
“Schedule an appointment with GI Associates for all your gastrointestinal needs.”
Print ad for GI Associates & Endoscopy Center – Jackson, MS
“For all your tobacco needs.”
Sign on tobacco shop at Rio Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas
“For your banking needs.”
Radio ad for Bancorp South in Mississippi
“For all your asphalt needs.”
Sign for M&K Asphalt Sealing in Kentucky
“For all of your commercial kitchen needs.”
Radio ad in Las Vegas. (How many of us have commercial kitchen needs?)
“Your one stop stop for your printing and marketing needs.”
National radio ad for Staples. Obviously written by an ad agency that doesn’t know how to write compelling copy. (“One stop shop” is also meaningless drivel).
“For all your scrap metal recycling needs.”
TV commercial for Longhorn Recycling – San Antonio, TX
“We can handle all your appliance needs.”
Radio ad for appliance store in Greenville, MS
“For all your storage needs.”
Radio ad for a storage facility in Las Vegas
“The UPS store has all your moving needs.”
Radio ad for UPS Store in Las Vegas.
“Visit DukeMedicine.org to learn how Duke Medicine can meet all of your healthcare needs.”
Letter to patient from Duke Medical Center
“Call Allied Heating & Air for all your HVAC needs.”
Radio ad in Denver
If you run across any others, feel free to send them to us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Improvised and sung from the heart, this video will change how you see the world and how it sees you. (Courtesy www.risingabovethenoise.com). Click to view.
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