One of most stupid, insipid, lame and ineffective phrases you can use in any ad, whether it be Radio, TV or print, is “for all your _______ needs.” Yet, you hear this phrase everyday in a myriad of ads. Why? Because people who write ads are incredibly lazy. Rather than thinking of something compelling to include in the copy, they just throw in “for all your insurance needs”, “for all your hardware needs”, “for all your concrete repair needs”, or something equally banal. If you see or hear this phrase in any ad, be aware that the person who wrote it had no idea how to write a proper ad.
Here are some examples of really poorly-written ad copy:
“For all your birth control needs.”
An radio ad for Women’s Health Associates of Southern Nevada, as heard on KSNE-FM in Las Vegas.
“For all your lawn watering needs.”
Radio commercial heard in Oklahoma.
“For all your air conditioning needs.”
An AC contractor in the midwest. When asked “can you fix the AC on my car?”, he said “No, we don’t work on cars.” But you said “all my air conditioning needs.”
“Backyard Needs” Anyone?
“For all your sewer and drain cleaning needs.”
Somewhere in Illinois
“Schedule an appointment with GI Associates for all your gastrointestinal needs.”
Print ad for GI Associates & Endosopy Center – Jackson, MS
Seen on a truck in suburban St. Louis
“For all your tobacco needs.”
Sign on tobacco shop at Rio Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas
Sign at the pool shop at Treasure Island Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas
“For your banking needs.”
Radio ad for Bancorp South in Mississippi
“For all your asphalt needs.”
Sign for M&K Asphalt Sealing in Kentucky
“For all of your commercial kitchen needs.”
Radio ad in Las Vegas. (How many of us have commercial kitchen needs?)
Just last week, I was asking my neighbor “who can I call for all my farm needs?” And what the hell is “poroceesing?”
“Your one stop stop for your printing and marketing needs.”
National radio ad for Staples. Obviously written by an ad agency that doesn’t know how to write compelling copy. “One stop shop” is also meaningless drivel).
“For all your scrap metal recycling needs.”
TV commercial for Longhorn Recycling – San Antonio, TX
“We can handle all your appliance needs.”
Radio ad for appliance store in Greenville, MS
“For all your storage needs.”
Radio ad for a storage facility in Las Vegas
“For all your eye care needs.”
Sign at Delta Eye Care – Indianola, MS
“The UPS store has all your moving needs.”
Radio ad for UPS Store in Las Vegas.
“Visit DukeMedicine.org to learn how Duke Medicine can meet all of yourhealthcare needs.”
Letter to patient from Duke Medical Center
“For all your advertising needs.” OK, but what if your “advertising needs” include Radio, TV, or billboards. Can she handle that too?
Have any irrigation needs? Don’t we all? If so, this is the place to call…
If you run across any others, feel free to send them to us at firstname.lastname@example.org.